The Real Secret to Success in Fighting and Life: Being Competitive

The Real Secret to Success in Fighting and Life: Being Competitive

What's up, everyone? If you’re reading this, you’re probably searching for the real keys to success—whether it’s as a fighter or just winning at life in general. Today, I’m dropping what I believe to be the main ingredient for hitting that high level, based on working with some of the toughest and most driven people around.

But heads up: this isn’t just about fighting. I’ve found the same secret in business, sports, and pretty much any career you can name.

The Success Secret Most People Miss

So, what’s the secret? What’s the main thing I’ve seen in all the most successful people, and especially in fighters who really “make it”?

“There’s multiple answers that could lead up to you being successful or not in fighting or in life. But the main determining factor that I’ve seen out of the super successful people... is being competitive.”

People like to toss around a lot of buzzwords—discipline, talent, athleticism—but after training and rolling with so many top athletes, one characteristic just keeps showing up: they’re super competitive.

In every gym, in every locker room, whether it’s MMA, jiu-jitsu, business meetings, or even among pro football players I’ve known personally, the difference isn’t who’s the most gifted. It’s who wants to win the most.

Why Being Competitive Matters

Here’s the thing: The toughest fighters aren’t always the strongest. The hardest workers aren’t always the most skilled. But they’re ALL competitive.
Let's lay it out simple:

• Competitiveness = Not Lazy.
  I’ve never met anyone truly competitive who was lazy.
  
• Hard Work Flows from Competition.
  They’re always thinking, “Someone is training harder than me right now,” and that’s what gets them to the gym early and keeps them there late.
  
• It’s all about that drive.
  If you’re competitive, you’ll do whatever it takes to close the gap, even if you started late or have to work twice as hard.

"I don't know one super extremely competitive person that's lazy. The people that are extremely competitive are not lazy."

The Two-Edged Sword of Competitiveness

Don’t get me wrong—being ultra-competitive isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.
It can cut both ways.

On the downside:

• Competitiveness can make you a tough teammate.
  
• You might get argumentative or become a pain in the gym if you’re not careful.

But if you ask me, it’s still a good problem to have. It’s better to have to dial back your competitive fire than to try to spark it where there’s none.

Real Life Example: Parenting and Competitiveness

The other day, my kid’s mother’s mom came to me. She was talking about my son, James Jr. She said, “He loses at something and he cries and throws a fit.” Was I worried? Not really.

Sure, you have to teach your kid not to be a sore loser and manage those emotions—but I told her, in the long run, that’s a great trait to have if you point it in the right direction. That willingness to hate losing is what sets the winners apart.

Competitiveness in Business and Beyond

It’s not just fighting—this goes for business, too.
Everyone thinks rich, successful people must have had it handed to them. But from what I’ve seen, it’s almost always that they’re willing to grind harder than the next guy. Whether it’s with million-dollar contracts or building security machines for airports, the top performers are just more competitive.

Let me give you a few quick stories:

• One of my best friends is a former NFL player, now owns several businesses, and builds those TSA security machines you walk through at the airport.
  
• He’s got government contracts and trains a couple times a week, bringing that same competitive energy from football to business.

No matter what the field, every truly rich or successful person I know is competitive.

“Honestly, every rich person I know is competitive. The toughest fighters I know are the most competitive.”

When Skills Meet Competition

But listen, I’m not going to sit here and act like being competitive is enough on its own. That’s not fair. Skills still matter.

• You might lose to a less competitive guy if their skills are way ahead of yours.
  
• For example, if you’ve been training jiu-jitsu for three years and you’re a blue belt, and you end up fighting a college wrestler, guess what? You might lose just because he can crank out takedowns all day.

So, the formula for real success is:

Competitiveness + Skills + Hard Work = High Level Success

But if I had to pick just one edge, I’d always pick competitive drive. It’s what keeps you grinding, and that’s how your skills catch up over time.

Real Life Stories from the Gym

Getting Real: The Start of My Journey

Most people don’t know this—I didn’t even start training until I was 20 years old. I didn’t start grappling until I was 22! There were guys in the gym who literally started as kids. Does that mean I just gave up?

Not a chance.

"When I would go to practice, I would get mad if other people were getting more reps than me. ... I'm looking around, and I would see people drilling jiu-jitsu techniques and getting way more reps than me. I got to go faster, I got to do more."

It wasn’t just about showing up. I took it personally. If someone was getting more reps in, I was pissed off. That fired me up to drill harder and longer—while still focusing on good technique.

Outworking the Competition

Here’s what that looked like:

• I was ALWAYS the first guy in, last guy out.
  
• I drilled way more than anyone else because I was behind—the only way to close the gap was to outwork everyone.
  
• In five years, I probably did more reps in jiu-jitsu than most people do in fifteen.

That’s how I managed to go from total newbie to winning three submission fights in the UFC, despite my late start.

Where Competitiveness Gets You

So, why does all this matter?

Because competitiveness is the “secret weapon.” It’s what pushes you to be first in, last out, to do those extra reps, and to keep hustling even when you’re behind or discouraged.

Examples from my own experience:

• I started late but made up ground because I out-worked, out-drilled, and stayed hungry to win.
  
• All the hardest-working, best fighters I’ve ever known—without exception—were the most competitive people in the room.

How to Channel Your Competitive Side Without Becoming “That Guy”

Okay, so you’re probably wondering: “How do I use my competitive edge without becoming a jerk in the gym or a sore loser in life?”

Here are a few tips that’ll keep your competitive drive positive:

1. Compete Against Yourself First

Focus on beating your own best, every single day. Track your reps, your rounds, your growth.

2. Respect Others

Remember, being competitive isn’t about disrespecting teammates. Help each other grow. Compete hard, but keep it friendly.

3. Use Your Losses

If losing fires you up, use that fuel. But learn to handle losses—they’re a huge part of leveling up.

4. See the Big Picture

One win or loss doesn’t define your journey. It’s about the long haul—outlasting and outworking over years.

5. Channel It Into Hard Work

Bring that competitive juice into your work ethic. Show up early, drill more, and constantly push your limits.

Leveling Up: How My Competitive Side Carried Me

To really get a sense of how much competitiveness drives success, let's break down what it did for my career:

• I started way behind.
  Most fighters started as kids—at ten, twelve, or even younger. I didn’t get my start until I was 20.
  
• I was obsessed with not being "the last guy." Every gym I walked in, I was watching who was putting in the most reps, who was drilling the longest, and I had to outdo them.
  
• Super-competitive nature made up for lost time. Instead of using my late start as an excuse, it became my motivator. I pushed through 5 years of non-stop drills, more than most put in a decade and a half!
  
• Results showed up in the cage. Three submission wins in the UFC—proof that non-stop reps and competitive drive actually change results.

“I did more reps in jiu-jitsu in a five-year period than I think most people probably do in fifteen years.”

Skills vs. Competition: The Truth

Now, let’s get real—skills still matter.

No matter how competitive you are, if you’re facing somebody with massively higher skills (like a lifelong wrestler when you’re just starting out in jiu-jitsu), you’ll probably lose. Competitiveness alone doesn’t make you invincible.

But here’s what does happen: Competitiveness drives you to keep working until you close that gap.

So the right balance is:

• Develop your skills every single session
  
• Bring a competitive mindset to every rep, round, and drill
  
• Never stop trying to get better—even when you’re losing

Competitiveness in Business and Other Sports

It’s not just about fists and grappling. Take the same drive, and you’ll see it producing results in every professional setting.

• The guys closing big contracts? Competitive.
  
• The best salespeople? Competitive.
  
• The most successful entrepreneurs I know? All hyper-competitive.
  
• Even the folks designing airport security machines for the government have that competitive mindset.

It’s a universal trait. The people winning in multiple spheres of life—sports, business, whatever—all share that same fire.

Quick List: Signs of a Highly Competitive Person

Want to know if you’re on the right track? Here are a few signs:

• You get frustrated when you lose, but use it as fuel
  
• You notice who’s outworking you—and it bothers you
  
• You’d rather put in more reps than anyone else
  
• You constantly chase improvement
  
• You compare yourself to the best and want to beat them

If these sound like you, you’re already building a winner’s mindset.

Don’t Let Your Competitive Edge Hurt You

Remember, while competitiveness is powerful, it has to be managed.

• Don’t be a sore loser
  
• Channel frustration into growth, not negativity
  
• Celebrate others’ success—then aim to beat them next round

It’s all about balance. Use your fire to build yourself—and help others around you get better too.

Bringing It All Together: The Secret That Makes the Difference

If there’s only one thing you take from this guide, let it be this:

"The most competitive people I've ever met were the toughest fighters, the hardest workers, and the highest performers in any field."

No matter when you start or what obstacles you hit, if you bring a competitive drive and are willing to outwork everyone in your path, you’ll give yourself the best shot at success—in the gym, in the cage, in the office, anywhere.

Quick Recap Checklist

• 🥋 Competitiveness is a secret weapon—more important than just talent or luck.
  
• 🥇 Skills do matter—but competitiveness keeps you getting better.
  
• 🚀 Channel competitiveness the right way—so you elevate yourself and the team.
  
• 🏆 Hardest workers = most competitive personalities—in fighting, business, and life.

Conclusion and Takeaways

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter whether you’re trying to be the best fighter, win at business, or just be great at whatever you do—the same secret applies:

• Outwork your competition.
  
• Be the hungriest person in the room.
  
• Take losses as fuel to get better.
  
• Lift up those around you—but always keep pushing to be the best.

Success isn’t just about some magic formula or hidden talent. It’s about who wants it more, who gets back up after a loss, and who’s willing to train when everyone else has gone home.

So the next time someone asks you, “What’s the secret to success?”—now you know.

Want to Start Your Own Competitive Journey?

If you’re new to martial arts and looking for the right gym or instructor, check out my book:

The Ultimate Guide to Choosing a Martial Arts School or Instructor

And if you have other topics or questions you want me to cover, drop a comment below! I’m here to help.